


Three Men in an Office (To Say Nothing of the Pineapple)

by misura



Category: Hannibal (TV), Psych
Genre: Canon-Atypical Non-Violence, Gen, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Please excuse my friend, he's a little bit crazy," Gus said.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Isn't everyone?" Will said. His head hurt.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Men in an Office (To Say Nothing of the Pineapple)

_"He does what you do,"_ Jack had said, which hadn't sounded particularly promising - Will had no reason to assume he'd enjoy his own company any more than he'd enjoy anyone else's.

_"Except that instead of driving himself insane, he apparently does it to everyone around him."_

 

"Shawn Spencer," Will said, by way of 'hello, there are two of you'.

Jack had said there would only be one, and that he felt Will shouldn't whine about putting up with meeting one person.

"Burton Guster," one of them said, which settled who of them the guy Will was actually supposed to meet was, except that then he added: "and this is my good friend and close associate Will Graham."

" _I'm_ Burton Guster," the man who was definitely not Will Graham said. "Please call me Gus. Can I just say what an honor it is to meet you?"

The man who was probably Shawn Spencer poked him. Will noticed a plastic bag hanging from his right arm. It seemed to have something heavy in it. "Dude. We're playing the 'pretending to be someone else' game. All the hip people at the FBI are playing it."

"I'm not hip," Will said, because nothing else immediately came to mind, other than _'are you insane?'_ which seemed a pointless question to ask at this point. (The answer was obviously 'yes'.)

"Then may I say you have excellent taste in cover names?" Shawn said. "Hey, next time I pretend to be with the FBI, can I use yours?"

"No," Gus said. "You can't, Shawn. And he's just joking about pretending to be with the FBI. He'd never do something like that."

Shawn scowled at him. "I could totally look like a Will."

"Please excuse my friend, he's a little bit crazy," Gus said.

"Isn't everyone?" Will said. His head hurt.

"If everyone's crazy, then doesn't that mean the really crazy people are the ones who are _not_ crazy?" Shawn asked. "Something to think about next time you're standing in line for a cup of coffee."

Will considered pointing out he tried to never get caught standing in line for anything.

"Mr Crawford mentioned something about a case?" Gus said.

"You'd have to ask Mr Crawford about that." Will sincerely hoped Jack was smarter than that. To say nothing of more compassionate.

"Pineapple!" Shawn said.

"What?"

"It's such a great word," Shawn said. "I feel soothed every time I hear it. Thinking of that smooth sweetness and sweet smoothness. So I brought you one."

Will managed not to ask 'what?' again. He wondered if he'd be able to get away with calling in sick for the rest of the day, to just go home and lie down for a bit.

"Gus! Where did you put - ?"

"Me? _You_ \- "

"Ah. You put it in a bag that you conveniently hung on my right arm." Shawn produced the pineapple then held it out to Will. "A small token of our respect for the work you people are doing here."

Will stared at the pineapple.

"Its name is Herman," Shawn said. "We think it's a boy pineapple. No need to say thanks; we're sure Herman will be very happy in his new home."

"I have dogs," Will said.

"Excellent. Herman loves animals."

 

"Herman," Hannibal repeated, looking amused.

Will squirmed. "You're the cook."

"Oh, everyone cooks," Hannibal said lightly. "It's hardly a complicated fruit to prepare. A simple matter of cutting and cleaning. I'd be happy to show you. On a nameless, genderless and thus utterly anonymous pineapple, naturally."

Will scowled at him.

"There's nothing wrong with respecting your food, Will. You just shouldn't take it too far."

 

"I think we accidentally gave him Irma instead of Herman," Shawn said.

"You don't give names to pineapples, Shawn. They're pineapples."

"Oh," Shawn said. "Well, that's all right then. Phew. I was worried there for a moment."


End file.
